The one thing that's always looming in the back of my mind is the constant stress of college. As a rising senior, my entire first semester will be spent filling out the common app, going for interviews, trying to resist the "who's applying where" gossip, and the dreaded day we all find out whether we got into the school or not. All of these things are happening so soon, and I can't stop them from coming. Just last year, I was going into my junior year thinking college was so far away. It's finally here and I can't seem to push it away any longer. Right now, I'm having the worst anxiety over this whole process. The common app just came out a couple weeks ago, and I'm nowhere close to starting. The whole task seems daunting, even though I absolutely know it's not as bad as I'm making it out to be. Georgetown's application constantly sits open on my computer, giving me a daily reminder that I'm applying Early Action to a school that I have a small chance of getting into.
However, I feel like every moment of high school has been counting down to this year. I am completely ready to go to college, and have been wanting to go for quite some time. I was always jealous of my upperclassmen friends, who got to graduate and move on with their lives. How dare they move on without me! I know that college is still a year away, but I'm making all the decisions right here, right now.
I think the main reason I am so ready to take flight is because I crave independence. I've always been the "independent" child, who was never afraid to go off on my own or separate from my parents. I get frustrated every day with things I need to depend on others for. Trivial things: having to depend on my mom for rides every where, depending on my sister to take photos for this blog, depending on my parents for big purchases/investments. I want to be so fiercly independent in these simple ways. I want to drive myself places, hire a professional photographer, save up the money for a big purchase of my own. I want maturity- and I think I might be on my way.
I feel that this year, I have matured inside my head immensly. Although from the outside the people around me may not see it completely, I know that my train of thought and goals have completely changed. I have a direction in mind for what I want to major in, I know the types of people I want to surround myself with, and I think about things in a more mature way. I know that once I make that decision of where I'm going to go to college, everything will fall into place. Soon after, my fierce independence will follow!
However much I want to throw up when I think about applying to schools, I know in the back of my mind that everything happens for a reason. Wherever I end up will be the right place for me.
These are the things that have been keeping me motivated and will continue to do so this fall. All I know, is that by November 1st (the deadline for Early Action), my stress for Georgetown is relatively over (then the waiting). And by January 1st, all of that other hard work will be packed up online and in envelopes, and sent away. That's the only thing that's keeping me sane right now! I just have to make it to those two dates, and I know I will be okay.
That being said, I am NOT going to rush through my last year of high school. I want to treasure each and every special part of it before saying goodbye. I have so many exciting things in store for me this year: homecoming spirit week, my final year at an amazing job, a mission trip to Guatemala, student council events, band trips, my senior trip to Disney (!), and so much more. I'm prepared for the year ahead, and the hard work that's going to come along with it.
I'd like to re-state my earlier phrase. I don't think that I'm ready to go to college right now. Rather, I'm ready to begin to mature in different ways to become ready for college. This "beginning" stage may take a while. Someway, somehow, I'm going to make it through to the end- and suddenly, it's going to be all worth it.
Thanks for reading, xo.
Ashley Ann
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