As college decisions have started rolling in, my life has gotten a lot more complicated and stressful. The past couple of weeks have been an emotion roller coaster for me! I think this time of year is hard for any high school senior. Most of us don't know where we're going to school yet and most of us are dealing with some form of rejection (unless you're one of those extremely lucky people who got into their dream school). It's hard to know how to handle all of this. And the truth is, I haven't been handling it all too well. I received no less than 8 rejections in the past week, which was a huge blow to my self esteem. To be fair, I did apply to over 20 colleges, so I really didn't expect to get into every one that I applied to. ** But still, being told over and over again that "you are not good enough" really takes a toll on your mental health. There have been a lot tears, breakdowns, and angry outbursts to say the least. I knew I was qualified for a lot of the schools, so why was I still getting rejected?
My high school is a very competitive environment. Every other person you see in the hallway is "gifted" in some way. People in my grade tend to overshare: grades, colleges applied to, SAT scores and resumes are favorite topics of conversation. To be quite honest, I've been feeling so dejected. I am constantly comparing myself to everyone else. There are so many people getting into their dream schools and Ivy Leagues (which is amazing! I'm so happy for them!), and I'm just not. I'm realizing that although it is frustrating, you can never know who is going to get into a certain school.
In all honestly, college admissions is like the lottery. Everyone is qualified, but only a few people get picked. I really did not believe this until I started experiencing it for myself. I saw kids with perfect SAT scores and amazing extracurricular activities getting turned down in favor of other students who had mediocre grades. Each college is trying to meet a quota: race, gender, athletics... e.t.c. When you take alllll of those into consideration, it's easy to understand the large number of qualified people who get rejected.
The embarrassment and sadness that comes with rejection is not fun. I stayed in bed the entire day when I found out my dream school rejected me (won't say the name here, but you may be able to find it in a previous blog post). It's okay to let yourself be sad, or angry. Cry about it for one day (maybe two if you’re like me), but then MOVE. ON. It is most definitely a cliche, but everything happens for a reason! (At least, this is what I'm telling myself to stay sane). Staying bitter over something beyond your control is pointless. I'm starting to channel that anger in a direction that will fuel my success in college. I fully plan on making the most of my time in college so that I can enter the workforce with experience, knowledge and determination. I still have options (9 great options!). Repeat, what college or university you attend does not determine your self worth.
I have dealt with these rejections in many ways, but here are the methods that have worked best for me:
1. Cry it out, but only for a little while. Give yourself 24 hours to throw a pity party, cry and scream into your pillow. But the next day, try getting out of bed and taking on the day. I found that sticking to my routine was essential. If I was busy enough, I wasn’t thinking about it, and that was good enough for me.
2. Turn to friends for support. I cannot thank my friends enough for constantly supporting and lifting me up. Whether it be meeting up for lunch, shooting me a motivating text, or getting a massage with me, my friends are the ones who have made this whole mess manageable. And the best part is, they're all going through the same thing. Something about misery loves company?
3. Do things that make you happy. This one seems simple enough, but cheering yourself up with the little things that bring you joy makes all the difference. I’ve been reading a lot more, cuddling with Max and eating lots of ice cream. The best ice cream shop in the world is convieniently on my street. It is definitely a blessing and a curse.
4. Work harder even harder. Just because I didn't get into an Ivy doesn't mean I can't work like I'm in one. I can't wait to begin taking classes and learning about stuff that I'm actually interested in! Nearly every adult that I've talked to about college has said this: going to a big-name university does not translate to career and financial success. What matters, is the amount of hard work and effort you put into your college studies. Essentially, what you make of your time there is what you get!
5. Learn and improve. Even though it sucks right now, I'm learning from this experience. This is certainly not the last time I will be rejected in my life! Looking at the situation and seeing how it was handled can better prepare you for the next time something big doesn't go your way.
6. Let it go. No, not the frozen song. Realize that sometimes you just can't control it. Nobody has any idea of what goes on inside an admissions committee room. It really is luck- a combination of who is reading your application, what spots they need to fill and actual qualifications. Realizing and remembering this makes it a little easier to accept. I've gotten to a point where I'm just over it. I need to be excited for the places that I have gotten into!
I guess the purpose of writing this post was to make myself feel better, which it did. I started writing this about two weeks ago in the midst of everything when my mind was just spinning in every different direction. I'm now past that point and I feel one thousand times better about all of it. I've accepted and moved on; it feels amazing. Rejection is a part of life, and embracing those hardships is what life is all about right? (At least, I hope...)
Thanks for reading!
-Ashley Ann
**i would not recommend applying to this many schools!! I found myself growing attached to schools I didn't even want to go to, and that made the rejections harder.
